Monday, September 26, 2011

And I'm Feelin' Good

Okay, so here I am. It is funny...Ever since writing that first post, I have been feeling this rush. After the initial post was published,  I went to my digital copy of Power Thoughts: 365 Daily Affirmations, and I got started.
So, before we get too far into this journey, perhaps I should write of why I chose to do this.
I am 29 years old, and I am just now learning to live, all over again. Up until 2 years ago, I was living with a false diagnosis, or Cerebral Palsy. Let me just tell you...Living with a disability. Not fun. To make matters worse, my 'father' was a horrible individual, who took advantage, because I was 'weak'. For years, I went through extreme abuse, living a hell that nobody should ever have to live. And, his reason for hurting me. I was disabled. I was NOTHING. I might as well serve one purpose. He has been out of the picture for a while now. I was FINALLY able to tell my family of what was happening, and things got resolved. But, I was still believing that I was nothing. After all, if you hear something enough, don't you have to believe it?
Two years ago, I was properly diagnosed, and I went through surgery, to remove my 'disability'. I am now learning to walk, after spending my entire adult life in a wheelchair. It is hard, but I am doing it. And, I figure that since I am already on the road to becoming a 'New me', I might as well make it count, and go all the way.
Okay, now that the summary of my past is done, let's move on.
I looked at the first affirmation in the book. (Let me just say, I love the art! The graphics that go along with the affirmations are truly uplifting.) Upon first reading the affirmation, which talks about feeling good, about who you are, I thought that it was a pretty simple concept. I mean, how hard can it be, to feel good about yourself?
I went about my day, after memorizing this affirmation. I said it over and over again. And, while I felt good about myself, the whole day, I also realize that maybe, it is not as easy an affirmation as I thought it would be. You see, I have always  been one of those people, who put myself down. I am constantly judging myself. And, the verdicts are rarely kind.
Today...Damn it, I WAS going to take the time, to learn to feel good about being me. That was all there was to it.
I started off, with doing school work. Going to school online is extremely beneficial. And, as I sat in front of my computer, reading my text, I realized that 'Hey! This is my FOURTH class! And guess what...I am TOTALLY kicking ass. I am maintaining a 4.0 GPA! Instantly, I started to feel good about myself. As I thought about my school, and the great grades I am getting, I instantly began to see that I am capable of GREATNESS! What a good feeling.
Next, I went outside.
With my cane in my right hand, I traipsed around the property. Another thing to feel good about. Walking is always such a thrill.
Of course, there were those moments (quite a few of them, in fact), where I started to think negatively of myself. Old habits die hard. But, when I became aware of these nasty little thoughts, I would randomly start saying nice things about myself.
This is an affirmation that I will continue to work on, for a long time. I am sure that each of these affirmations will take time. But, each day, I will work a new one, while still working on past ones. Eventually, I will have so many good things to think about, that it will be hard not to feel good about being me.
Well...That is the hope!
So, there we have it. The first affirmation has come. And, I can already see that this is going to be a WONDERFUL journey.
Until tomorrow...

1 comment:

  1. A great way to start. Feeling good about yourself will only bring more postitive energy into your life. It will also help those around you to see you as capable.

    Hugs and have a wonderful day,